My Feeding Rules for Helping Picky Eaters

Over the years I have received many questions about how to get my children to eat healthy foods. In the beginning, having picky eaters was hard on our family. I was looking for ways to create better eating habits and encourage family mealtimes.

After reexamining our family’s attitude toward food (and after some trial and error), I came up with some “food rules” that have worked for us by adjusting how we think about food and eating and getting our kids more involved.

If you’re struggling with a picky eater, start by reassessing your family’s attitude toward food. Offering a variety of foods helps establish good eating habits, but setting some guidelines about food and mealtimes can help change your child’s eating habits — and make dinnertime more enjoyable.

Why We Picky Anyone want to eat it?

Often times, parents assume that their child won’t eat or doesn’t like certain foods, even if the child has never complained about (or even tried!) There is a perception that “kid” foods like chicken nuggets, sandwiches, prepackaged snacks, etc. are all kids want to eat, which makes us hesitant to give our kids different foods for fear that they won’t like them.

If a child’s diet consists of these foods, they will not be getting the important nutrients that come from a varied and balanced diet.

I also realized that the attitudes we teach our children about food are just as important as the food options we offer them. When I visited other countries, I noticed huge differences in the way children ask for food, eat, and behave around food.

I do think that the foods we market to and prepare for American children need to change, but I also think it’s just as important that we change the way our children (and ourselves!) think about food.

7 tips to overcome food pickiness

Realizing that we needed to change the way our family thought about food, I started incorporating ideas from other cultures. I noticed that my mom’s French family ate a wide variety of foods, weren’t picky eaters, and were naturally thin. I started incorporating these ideas with my children, and the difference was astounding.

These are our “dinner rules,” though the name is a bit misleading. These are not strict rules that will make dinnertime more awkward; instead, these are guidelines for how our kids should behave in food-related situations. These “rules” are best practiced in our family by example, not with an iron fist (or wooden spoon).

1. Don’t complain about the food

In my house, kids (and adults) are not allowed to complain about food — this doesn’t mean they’re forced to eat at every meal, but it does mean they’re not allowed to talk negatively about food.

Food’s primary function is to nourish us, not to entertain. This is an important thing to teach your children. Moreover, complaining about food is disrespectful to the people who make it and shows a closed-minded attitude. Negative comments about certain foods spread quickly and are difficult to undo, especially if you have more than one child. So it’s better to avoid this completely.

No one is forced to eat if they are not hungry (see rule 6), but everyone must sit together and participate with a positive attitude. Anyone who persists in a negative attitude can leave to get ready for bed.

2. Food isn’t a reward (or punishment)

To foster a neutral attitude towards food, I never use food as a reward or punishment. I don’t want my children to form an emotional connection to food because I want them to remember that food’s primary role is to nourish, not entertain.

Many of us (me included!) feel an emotional connection to certain foods, or feel a desire to eat certain things in emotional situations. How many times have you reached for a snack when you were sad, stressed, excited, or bored?

This is also known as emotional eating, and I want to avoid this for my kids, especially with childhood obesity rates on the rise, so it’s important not to associate food (especially unhealthy food) with emotions.

So I don’t use food as a bribe or reward for good behavior (though I’m not perfect in this regard), and I don’t emphasize specific foods for birthdays or other special occasions. Instead, I focus on experiences. For example, instead of having birthday cake and sweet treats, I’ll go to the zoo.

Similarly, I don’t punish or associate food with punishment – ​​I never say, “If you don’t eat your asparagus, you’re in big trouble” – and while I don’t let my kids complain about food (see rule #1), I discipline negative attitudes, not food-related behaviors.

3. Eating is a good family activity

Eating meals together as a family is less common these days, but it is still very important for all family members. The tendency to eat on the go or while watching TV can lead to negative attitudes towards food. For this reason, I try to eat meals together as a family whenever possible, especially breakfast and dinner.

Everyone comes to the table with a positive attitude (see rule #1). If you’re not eating, you’re welcome to stay and enjoy the conversation. This creates more family time and puts the emphasis on bonding rather than on food.

During meals, focus on calming conversation to reduce stress at the table. Talk about things you’re grateful for, or things that made you laugh. This creates space to eat more slowly and mindfully. Eating in a less stressful environment can also help promote your children’s health.

4. Get your kids involved

This is a great way to get kids interested in food, especially new foods. Kids of all ages can be more involved in the process, and getting them involved will encourage them to try new things. Plus, they’ll learn how to plan and cook meals when they’re on their own.

From the time my kids were little, around age 2, I let them help me. At the grocery store or farmer’s market, I talk about different foods and let my kids pick out and try new foods. I always try to explain why certain types of foods are nutritious and what benefits they have for the body (see rule #7).

Kids can also help with meal planning, food prep, table setting, and cleanup. I love this course from my friend Katie Kimball. Kids Cooking Real FoodShe offers age-appropriate learning courses, even a mini-course for toddlers — a great solution to help avoid (or cure!) picky eaters.

5. Try again and again

In my house, we all eat the same thing at every meal. We don’t give our kids special “kid” foods. As soon as they’re old enough to eat solid foods, they eat small portions of what everyone else is eating. This atmosphere encourages them to eat what’s served and avoids food fights. We don’t make a big deal out of serving unusual or new foods; we just serve them with a positive attitude and assume the kids will eat them.

You take one bite of each food served to you (one bite of beans, one bite of sweet potato, one piece of chicken), and after you finish each bite, you can ask for more.

If your child doesn’t like a food or doesn’t ask for more, reassure them. Explain that it’s okay as long as they’re willing to try it every time. Explain that one day (when they’re older), their tastes and food preferences will change and they might like the food. You’re not forcing your child to eat large amounts of a food that they don’t necessarily like, but offer the food repeatedly and expect them to keep trying it.

6. Don’t be hungry

In our home, we don’t see hunger as a negative experience that we constantly try to fix – we know people who have completely lost their natural hunger sensations because food is constantly available.

It’s totally normal (and natural) to feel hungry before meals. Kids who are even a little hungry tend to be happier and more adventurous eaters at mealtime. For this reason, I try to cut back on snack times and eat well before meals so they don’t have to keep eating.

Being normally hungry at mealtimes encourages your child to eat what is served. It also motivates them to eat enough so they don’t get hungry again soon after. At the same time, a child who complains, leaves the dinner table, and gets ready for bed (see rule #1) quickly develops a positive attitude. My child never developed a positive attitude after missing family dinners more than one night.

7. Focus on nutritious foods

I’ve noticed that my mother (and French people in general) eat smaller portions of higher quality food. They (generally) enjoy food and aren’t too attached to it. To help me follow all of the “rules” above, I focus on making nutritious, full-bodied food from scratch. We incorporate bone broth, fresh cheeses, homemade sauces (with butter or cream), quality meats, eggs, and egg-based foods like hollandaise sauce every day.

After my kids eat an omelet loaded with meat and veggies and drizzled with hollandaise sauce, they’re getting some nutrition from a balanced meal, but they’re also getting some beneficial fats (as opposed to a bowl of cereal).

Although it takes time, I believe in nutritious home-cooked meals, so I cook from scratch most days, but on weekends I cook in bulk. This saves me a ton of time and helps me be prepared for the week. It also saves me time now that my kids are older, because they help out (see rule #4).

Changing your family’s attitude towards food has been hard work. But it’s well worth it to transform a picky eater into a healthy eater. As you begin this journey, remember that you are the best role model for your children. They watch how you interact with and react to food. Soon picky eating will be a thing of the past.

Is this an uphill battle for your family or are your kids adventurous eaters? How do you deal with picky eaters? Share your tips below!