This year has already proven to be one that continues to present challenges for me, both personally and professionally — financial challenges, identity challenges, and the dynamics in my marriage are all up in the air right now. And, ladies and gentlemen, I intend to rise to the challenges.
The events that unfolded in 2023 have forever changed my relationship with fear. When the worst happens and you survive, the only bright side is knowing that at least you can get through each day. And that’s no small thing.
Today I want to share a reflection on the past year, my goals for 2024, and what you can expect from me in the future.
Reflecting on lessons learned from last year
Looking back at what has happened in my life over the last year, I can’t point to one event or moment that helped me dig deep inside. I just know that even when my inner critic told me I was miserable and should leave the internet forever, I didn’t give up. I kept going and putting myself out there, even if it meant I would turn into a puddle.
I now know that when fear is in charge, we become a completely different person. It takes time to break that cycle, but now I’m comfortable with fear sitting right beside me, smiling wickedly as I take each step forward despite its terrifying presence. I’m even starting to find humor in situations where fear shows up, and I consider that progress.
Everything that happened in 2023 difficultI wish I had realized sooner that trying to change that fact would only prolong my emotional suffering. Once I accepted pain as part of the human experience, something we all experience multiple times in our lives, I was finally able to reexamine myself. This lesson came from facing reality instead of running from it.
Let go of shame and change your perspective
What I do in my day to day life hasn’t changed much, but my mindset has completely changed. I’ve become really kind to myself. I’m also holding myself accountable. I understand how all-consuming a shame-driven life can be. I also understand that if shame was used as a parenting tool during your growing up years, it can be terrifying to let go of that shame as an adult, because that’s what it’s all about.
That deep-seated shame is the standard by which you measure your success and failure. It’s the standard by which you decide whether or not to approach a potential partner. Shame is everything you could ever want and dream of, not something you set for yourself from the get-go, but within certain limitations that have been passed down from generation to generation. This shame is ancient, and it doesn’t belong to you. It probably didn’t belong to your parents or their parents. It’s a pain that needs a host to sustain itself.
Living without the security of shame means embracing the fear of vulnerability. I have held on to my fear and lived with it. And that has made all the difference.
So when I start to breathe oxygen untainted by shame, it feels like taking a gulp of cool air after a lifetime of fighting to take shallow breaths. It’s exhilarating. I remember the first time I put on glasses and realized I could see leaves on trees. I’m amazed by the feeling, and I feel what it means to have hope and freedom.
I feel this freedom in the smallest things, like when I read something I’ve written and feel excited about it. Or when I open a thank you card and read the encouraging words (without thinking it comes with strings attached). Or when I come to the table ready to be myself and be open, knowing that I’m okay with rejection, knowing that I can face the fact that every beginning has an end.
Living without the security of shame means embracing the fear of vulnerability. I have held on to my fear and lived with it. And that has made all the difference.
My intentions and goals for 2024
As I consider what 2024 holds, I realize the only thing we can control in this life is the choice we make to experience it fully, with all the fear and vulnerability of love and acceptance. With this in mind, here are my intentions and goals for 2024:
- Fight shame with weakness.
- Move like a turtle: slowly, steadily and consistently.
- Do community-centered work.
- Hold yourself accountable to do what you say you will do.
- Feel the emotions without attaching too much meaning to them.
- Spend your money on things that are important to you.
- I value time with my family.
- Invest in education.
What can you expect from me in the future?
In many ways, I’m “officially back” in the full-time content creation role I left behind mid-last year. But in other ways, this is an entirely different kind of role. I have a renewed sense of responsibility for my work. I see this as a means to create, not a way to measure the impact of my work. I’m inspired to create again, but through a different lens than before. Let’s follow that flow and see what happens.
I used to be fixated on my certainty of what my work meant to people and why I was doing it. Now I know there’s power in getting comfortable with it. Uncertainty. I used to avoid difficulty and friction in favor of ease. Now I know that sometimes friction can give me the confidence to tackle the hard stuff. The goal is not to run from friction, but to embrace it as a necessary part of the journey. Accepting that it’s okay to not have the perfect answer or strategy can be very liberating.
As for what you can expect from me in the future, I promise I will keep showing up. I will keep writing and continuing to build the platform I’ve been building: Wit & Delight. Home visitsWe will continue to create content and pursue our curiosity, so please stay with us until the end.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning tennis and will forever be Testing the limits of her creativity. Follow her on Instagram Follow.
