Hello, a late lesbian friend (trademark pending) reached out. I’ve been with my lovely girlfriend Breyon for 2.5 years, 14 minutes into the lesbian age range. Long-term relationships are our official calling cards in the community.
A little bit of our backstory. We met on Hinge at the end of 2021. I invited her over to my apartment for a reading date and homemade hot chocolate. It seems kind of creepy now, because who would invite someone over to their apartment on a first date? I was so naive, and the rest is history. Bre makes me feel cared for and looked after. I don’t usually get cared for. We laugh like best friends having a sleepover, giggle in the dark, and never try to go to bed before the other person. My wildest dreams became hers, and we continue to support each other. We started living together last July (try Googling the words “U-Haul lesbians”).
I’ve never been in a long-term relationship, just a few short relationships with women and one chaste kiss with a boy when I was 24, so the thought of our future still fills me with anxiety: What if we break up? What if we never recognize each other? What if, what if, what if It echoes in my head, bringing me back to reality: Right now, all we have is each other, so we’ll try to fix the relationship as long as it lasts, and if it ends, it won’t be because we’ve stopped trying.
What I love about our relationship is that we make sure to really have fun with each other. In the grand scheme of things, I feel like I know nothing, but I enjoy sharing what I learn and can’t wait to hear what you all do to keep the passion burning with your partners (and friends!)…
1. Run errands
When Bre and I first met, I had undiagnosed sleep apnea and was in a daze. I barely slept at night and would fall asleep mid-conversation. Bre arranged for me to run an errand over an hour away so I could nap in the car. That was an incredibly kind gesture that brings tears to my eyes. We still love to drive out to the countryside and find the best TJ Maxx in the area. I feel like relationships are 80% formulaic, so even just running a quick errand with her keeps us connected. We check in on each other in the car after we get home. I never take those moments for granted.
2. Night walk
We live in the Lincoln Square/Ravenswood neighborhood of Chicago. It’s like Sesame Street meets Stars Hollow. There’s a big park across the street, restaurants within walking distance, and it’s full of Midwestern charm. On nice nights, we walk to the coolest lesbian bar around: Nobody’s Darling. It’s black-owned and BIPOC friendly. We walk there, have a couple of drinks, and waltz home 86 minutes later, cuddled in bed and with warm faces. Perfect!
3. Game Shows
Listen, we live in a house with 3 stories of stairs, and our calves and butts are toned. That also means a lot of time. Once we’re in the house, we’re house people. We don’t go outside unless something is on fire. Usually, we’re staring at our 3 cats (Charlie Brown, Lucy, and Wiley) and asking ourselves how we live with these cartoon characters. I’ve also been addicted to game shows lately. Reason for fame? It’s a show where famous people’s relatives hide their true identities and all but one are eliminated. It’s a very wholesome show, especially when President Jimmy Carter’s grandson appeared last season and the president called him “Poppy.” We also watch Celebrity Jeopardy/Jeopardy Masters and scream out the answers. We’re embarrassing and cute and I’m crazy about us.
4. Book Club for Two
Bre and I have very different tastes in books. She loves murder mysteries, where her cousin is actually her father, who is actually a priest and is definitely the culprit. I love magical fantasies about love that spans centuries. We’re still looking for books to read together. We’re currently looking at Emily Nagoski’s Let’s get togetherIt’s thought-provoking and gives you plenty of topics to discuss with each other.
5. Card Games
Date night is never boring Skin Deep CardThere are many different versions: friends, long-term relationships, date nights, etc. I love being surprised by her answers and I also love hearing how they change over time. It’s exciting to be introduced to your partner again and again, isn’t it? We also Exclusive Deal Always free to use, this is a simple card version of Monopoly that you can win in under 10 minutes. You can have all the fun of Monopoly without investing 10-15 years of your life into it.
6. Concerts
I think every couple loves to travel. Who doesn’t? Yes, please, let us spend days lazing around on the beach in Cancun! Bre and I especially enjoy concerts as a way to travel. We recently went to Summerfest in Milwaukee to see Brittany Howard, and we also have tickets for Kaytranada next month. Last year, we saw Beyonce at the Superdome in New Orleans and felt like we were being blessed by the Pope.
My question for you is, um, am I doing this right? I mean, is this relationship going well? Just kidding. But! I’d love to know what you and your partner do to keep your relationship fun, whether that be sending memes or going camping. I love the community here and can’t wait to see you in the comments.
Abbie Mallett Freelance writer and editor. Joy the BakerShe also writes about travel and books at Cup of Jo. Follow Abby at InstagramIf you like.
P.S. “What 9 Movies & Shows with Gay Characters Meant to Me” and “How I Journey as a Fat Queer Black Woman.”
(Top photo by Adrian Rodd/Stocksy.)
